Original artwork, made to order

The Weight They Carry

Fifteen months as a combat medic in Iraq, and the years after, trying to piece together what came back with me.

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Why this exists

I was a combat medic with Bravo Company, 5-20 Infantry, deployed to Iraq in 2006, and I spent years after that in the fire service. Somewhere along the way it got hard to tell what's a memory and what's a dream, what actually happened and what I've added to it since. These pieces are my attempt at sorting some of that out.

Each one starts with something real, a role, an object, a moment, and I use digital tools to make it closer to how it felt than how it looked. The medic, the radio operator, the sergeant, the driver, the kid waiting at home, and the weight each of them carries.

I'm making these for myself as much as anyone. If you served, you might find something of yours in here. If you didn't, maybe it brings you a little closer to someone who did.

— Jake, medic, firefighter

The collection

Archival, museum-grade prints. Each one is made when you order it, not pulled from a shelf — so nothing sits waiting, and nothing arrives less than it should.

A civilian paramedic and a young combat medic reaching toward each other across a divide, passing a stethoscope between two worlds
Stethoscope Across the Divide
Duty over a protracted timeline. Not tied to one deployment, one job, or one point in life. Everything else fades to the back, behind the role. It's all in the same vein: assisting others when they're in pain, through decades, or even a lifetime. The kid is handing the responsibility over to the older man, and the older man is that same kid, receiving and accepting it.
Starts at $27
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A sergeant shouting and leading soldiers forward through smoke, faces of others visible in the haze behind him
Sergeant
The incalculable fortune of having experienced guys we looked to for tacit guidance. The good ones somehow seem to have a superpower of control in an otherwise uncontrollable environment. They wield such a force that all you can do is appreciate it with awe.
Starts at $27
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A soldier shouting into a radio handset, birds pouring from his mouth into the sky, tangled in cords and wire
Radio Operator
Tethered to the radio, it being his lifeline and him being the lifeline for the company. The messages he sends out over the net are the birds being released. Even though it's intentional, there are no guaranteed outcomes. Just sending up birds and hoping they find their way to the right ear at the right moment to relay the critical information.
Starts at $27
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A combat medic tending to a wounded soldier, a golden cross glowing on his chest plate amid dark ink and shadow
Golden Cross
The medical cross has always stood for hope and consistency, from work to war, battle to battle, day to day. Carrying that little cross has been an unspeakable honor. Trying to live up to it has been humbling, because the symbol is universal, and there's a responsibility to uphold that hope for others no matter what's going on.
Starts at $27
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A medic standing with an aid bag, dog tags, an American flag, a caduceus, and children's faces above him
Two Kinds of Duty
It's hard to remember what's a dream and what's a memory. These are little elements of the medic I've carried in my head, still trying to parse them out. Tourniquets turning into snakes, dog tags turning into birds, missiles coming in and birds flying out. The things remembered, the things studied, and who you're doing it for.
Starts at $27
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A medic tending to a fallen soldier inside a circular halo of light, surrounded by faces in the chaos outside it
Tunnel Vision
When you're working on someone, you're completely in that moment, no matter what's happening around you. What's outside that tunnel is a blur afterward, so it's supposed to be chaotic. The medic and the guys function with an intense focus, from macro to micro, and back. Shown as a situation within a situation.
Starts at $27
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A soldier walking forward with an aid bag through colorful chaos, with anatomical sketches floating around him
Medic Dream
Trying to remember whether some of it was real, or if I'm adding to it from dreams and nightmares. The unconscious stuff that's come up over the years. Medical equipment turning into something else, helicopters into whales, a medical bag into the cosmos, blood into flowers for new life, or vice versa. Attempting to recall, and find meaning in the years after.
Starts at $27
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A medic checking a pulse on a patient, with a set of scales and other symbolic objects in the surrounding chaos
Triage
Anatomical drawings, debris surrounding him, uncontrolled and all at once, seemingly none of it moves him. He's a beacon of solidarity through the chaos. Not that he isn't overwhelmed, he's in it too. The medic walking among it, through it, surrounded by it, not untouched by it, but preserving his energy for his purpose; the guys.
Starts at $27
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A soldier holding an IV pole where the bags glow like paper lanterns, standing over a fallen comrade at night
IVs as Lanterns
A medic, his patient, and the relationship a medic has with the guys they care for, even at their worst times. The IV and the medic together are the light, and in some cases the life source. The medic has to find that balance between hopelessness and hope, and fight to provide it, not only for the guy who's wounded and those around him, but for himself.
Starts at $27
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A figure in full combat armor with the chest opened to reveal straps and, at the center, a small glowing image of a child curled up
Layers of Protection
The layers we all have. The internal ones where we hide or hold things in, the mental ones we wrap around those things, the anatomical ones, our physical body, a rib cage. The clothes we put on, the training we take on, and on top of it all, especially going to war, actual armor. Inside all those layers, the kid, either our own child or us, that we're trying so hard to protect from inevitable pain.
Starts at $27
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A vehicle driver at the wheel, surrounded by screens, mirrors, and doubled eyes reflecting everything happening around him
Stryker Driver
I was in a Stryker unit I considered us lucky to be in. What's inside the driver's hatch, and what's inside his head. A great, utter helplessness against overwhelming, continuous circumstances, all of it separated from him by armor and screens. His connection to the conflict, around him and in him, difficult to define moment to moment.
Starts at $27
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An older firefighter on oxygen, a glowing line running from his chest to a boy sitting alone on a rooftop edge in the background
Worn Out, Untreated Wound
Years of accumulated, unresolved calls, and how the role can wear someone out. The kid waiting for the guy to come home after shift, regardless of what happened on that shift. Near the end of the line, the older man realizes he became who he is to rescue himself as a child, the one who felt overwhelming fear and uncertainty, but didn't get the help he needed. He spent a career helping others to fix a wrong from the past, and never went back for himself. That's who the kid is.
Starts at $27
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New work

New pieces, when they're ready

About 50 pieces exist in this series. They're released a few at a time. Leave your email and you'll get a short note when the next batch is up. Nothing else.

Contact

Questions before you buy?

Sizing, framing, a piece for someone specific. Send a note and I'll get back to you.